Six years ago today, January 19, 2004, I talked with my mother for the first time. Not my real mother, as some people like to call her. The mother who raised me as her own will always be my real mother. Instead, I talked to my birth-mother, the woman who surrendered me for adoption more than 50 years earlier. That conversation was the start of a complex, introspective journey. What began as nothing more than a search for the truth about my origins, became an emotional experience that would forever change many of my long-held beliefs.
I kept a journal for the first few years, recording feelings and experiences. At first there were many entries, and gradually they became fewer with the last one in June 2005. During those years, I was processing emotions for myself and finding a way to fit her into my heart and life. Now, as so many friends have urged me to do, I’m ready to share this story with others, hoping that someone may be helped by hearing it.
“You are my daughter?” The words she whispered are burned into my memory as deeply as the John Kennedy assassination, the space shuttle Challenger explosion, and 9/11.
It was the hardest phone call I have ever made. I learned her name and contact information on December 31 and it was 13 days before I had the nerve to make the call. I sat at my desk for 2 hours practicing and thinking. In the end, I could not do it. I went out on some errands, came home, and with my heart pounding at around 9 on the Richter scale, I punched in the phone number. No answer. Damn.
It was a week later before the time seemed right and I had the strength to try again. I paced around the house, picked up the phone, put it down, over and over. Finally, I just screamed “DO IT” and made the call. All the worrying and planning I done to try to call at a time when her husband would not answer was pointless. He had died 10 years earlier. I had harbored a fantasy that he was my father, and though I never asked, it became clear during our conversation that he was not.
I will never forget hearing her voice, asking me the question, knowing that she knew the answer.
Today is the 6th anniversary of the day I first talked to my birth-mom. So many friends have urged me to write our story, and yesterday a long-time friend inspired me to do it as a blog, so here goes! I hope I will have the tenacity to keep it up. If you or someone you know has been touched by adoption, you may want to subscribe. PS: Kinsolving found her......
Good luck with your search!! we never told our story but it sure was a grand reunion, I am so glad my hubby videoed it cause it was like a dream I still love going back and watching it ...and yep I still cry because it was such a happy day.
I believe in Kinsolving 200%. They just found my birthmother and more then I asked for really! I contacted her (birth mother!) already and had a three hour phone call. I got my answers to all my questions now. Now its time for more phone calls and possible contact! Thank you Kinsolving for everything that you have done... and more, you helped me fill in gaps in my past that I needed the answers too! Thank you isnt enough! But Thank you anyways! If anyone needs to find answers, ask Kinsolving, they can get your answers for you! I waited 40 years for this!
Just sending an email to see how the search is coming. I know you said that it can take several months or years but I like to stay in contact with you to make sure things are going well. It was refreshing when I met someone who also was born in Albany, NY and also had Family and Children Svs of Albany as the adoption agency and your company was able to track down her mother and siblings, although the birth mother had passed away. She told me she now has a very good relationship with her siblings. So I know your company can help me and I am excited waiting to hear of any news.
NW _New York
Marta Bolton Quilliam Finally, after Kinsolving finding Garys Birth Family in November 2007... last week, we finally located his Full Brother, finding his son here on Facebook...meeting his son and his daughter a week ago...have hopes of meeting him this Summer...Thank You for your previous encouragement of searching for them...This has be...en a long, tough road in Searching but it is gonna be worth it in the end....
Marie McBreen Sperling Chris, I am at a conference in Alabama working. I was telling a friend about my exprerience with my bmom and brother when a woman overheard and starting telling her story. At the end I asked her how she found her bmom 15 years ago and her answer... Chris Lee! I about fell over! So if anyone out there has doubts as to ho...w long you have been doing this tell them to ask me! How crazy is that? A total stranger!!
Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank You Thank you!!!!!!! I called and he answered, He has been looking for me for a very long time. He said he is thrilled and that it is the best Hannakah/Christmas present he has ever gotten. He is some what shell shocked and trying to think of questions but my call coming out of the blue kind of shocked him. He says he is very happy he spoke to his sister ( my daughter) and they are so much alike he gave me all his contact info and i provided him with mine my son chris and my daughters. He wants to arrange to meet , i kept apologizing to him for calling him at work but we talked well over any hour. He said his entire family is supportive of his searching for me. he has has a happy loving childhood. I asked him to pass on to his adoptive mother my thanks for loving him and supporting him and for making sure his childhood was a good one , he said he would. So......I am flying high with the happiness this phone call has provided to me.
Thank you again for your wonderful help and continued work in reuniting those seperated by adoption.. May you have the best holiday ever I know we all will!!
LC - New York 09
Hello All - ;o) Happy New Year!!!! I am going to meet myBirth Mother Jan. 13th in Buffalo!!!!
Thanks again to Kinsolving for making another DREAM come TRUE!!!! you guys are the BEST!!!! Jennifer is soooooo HAPPY!!!! :)
Tiffani Moxley: Hey guys just wanted to say thanks again to you we have made contact with my B mom all because you.... cant wait to see what is next.. thanks sooooo much.
For any non-believers... I have been searching for 20 years for my birthmom and brother. I have hit more brick walls than I can count! I was even scammed by a woman who told me she found them. Now, Thanks to Kinsolving, I FOUND MY FAMILY! I did not think it could be done! I almost gave up... Do not give up! Kinsolving ca...n help you like they helped me!
...Thank you for everything! 38 years of not knowing were I came from is finally over! I spoke to both my birth mother and brother yesterday and it was awesome! They were both extremely happy to hear from me and I am looking forward to meeting them in the future. Thank you from the depths of my heart!
I understand how tough it is to come up with the money. I had been trying to search on my own & using "search angels" for 18 years, and found nothing. I had even received previous emails from Kinsolving but could not afford them. During a prayer & fasting month at church (in March of this year) I made finding birth parents a priority. Kinsolving... See More sent a discounted offer 2 weeks after we started the prayer/fast & I felt that was my sign from God. I sent them all the info I had...non id info, and they found my b-mom 4 days later. I was blessed to speak with her the following week, she gave my b-dads name & I found him and spoke with him the next week. Found both my b-parents in the same month. I thank God that I was able to borrow the $$ from my adopted brother. Been paying him back on a monthly basis. For Christmas, he forgave the rest of the debt. I m so blessed by both families. I believe God chose this time for me to locate my b-mom because she was the only one who new my b-dads name. B-mom passed away in August, and I never would have found my b-dad if Kinsolving had not found her. Thank you again, Kinsolving!
Thanks to Kinsolving I have found my birth mother. Within 3 wks of signing the contract, I received a very detailed report 2 weeks ago detailing birth mothers family back to the 1800s. She passed away 8 years ago but her 2 daughters are still living. I have communicated with both and after they got over the shock (ne...ither had any clue) have had very nice conversations. Still some skepticism but I believe they are slowly accepting the truth. Discussing next moves - DNA testing, meeting, etc. For first time in my life I have filled in some blank pages. I Strongly recommend Kinsolving. They accomplished in 3 weeks what I had always assumed was virtually impossible.
Hi Chris! Hope you are doing well. Here are a couple pictures (one w/my birthfather & one w/my birthmom) I would like to share for your photo album. My name is KP...not sure if you will remember, but I am the one that came by a couple years ago to pick up my information in person. I have had such an amazing reunion with my birth family! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for finding them for me. Words just can not describe how complete I feel now. I am truly blessed.
Warm regards, KP - North Car.
Chris, I can not begin to thank you for finding my biological family. You guys are amazing. After I had given up after many failed attempts through the state to open my case, you came through with the information I had so desperately wanted to find. I have now connected with my biolgical family and will be meeting them soon. Thank you again!!!!
Thanks so much for helping our family friend, Monica!! We refered her to you and sometimes it is bittersweet... But there is ALWAYS some healing in knowing.... You do WONDERFUL work... Can not THANK u enough!!!!
Kinsolving gave me the informaiton on my son 2 weeks ago but I am still too nervous to make the phone call to contact him. Any words of wisdom?
Hi, just read of FB about the two sisters, what a nice story. Have had no real further contact with my Bmom. She is made it very clear via classmates... she does not wish it. After leaving her signature there, I tried e-mailing her that route, she read, no reply then deleted her account. Tried calling, tried having someone else call, tried texting, the writings on the wall. Anyway after I read this story, I thought maybe I could try again to find another birth relative who might want to know I existed. On the other hand not sure I want to hurt her or make her angry. Not sure I want to do that but maybe if I had the info.....?
GF - Canada