A S K K A T E A N Y T H I N G !
By Kate Burns
JENNY Asks: Why wouldn't a daughter look for her biological mother after 30 years?
ANSWER: That’s a voluminous question! But it also begs an answer: How do you know, absolutely, that she hasn’t searched? She may have made an effort and been discouraged, or felt incapable of finding without a name. (Registering with the ISSR and the state adoption registry are good starts.) Then again, so many adoptees feel they “don’t have the right to disrupt her life” and will not search, hoping the birth mother will – or they “don’t want to hurt” the adoptive parents by searching ... both BIG mistakes. There’s a small percentage who either aren’t ready, or have no idea where to start, or simply haven’t reached a point where they feel it’s necessary to search. Finally, a very rare percentage was never told they were adopted, which isn’t a reason for not searching for her or him.
Kinsolving strongly recommends reading “Half Way Home! Contact & Reunion Guidelines” (see more in this issue) for greater details about how adoptees --and birth family members as well as adoptive parents-- think and feel about searching and reunions.
TERI C. Asks: My mother was born in PA in 1940, but adopted by parents in NY. I have a birth certificate issued after her adoption. I do not know which state to go to and ask for records. The county in PA said to go to NY because that would be where the adoption was finalized, but the NY County said the opposite.
ANSWER: NY has the records IF she was truly adopted in that state, as presumed if PA admitted that’s where the adoption was finalized. NY law requires registration with the NY State Registry in order for any information to be released; however, whether you will get any is debatable. If the Registry and the agency believe it is the adoptee asking for non-ID, you may luck out and get it. They will NOT release information to an adoptee’s immediate family. If all else fails, and if you can determine in which county and when it was finalized, the Court may give the ‘adoptee’ non-identifying information. Unlike other states, NY is highly restrictive about sharing information, Teri, and it’s severely limited at that. You may discover the only option is asking KINSOLVING to search for you.
A.J., Potsdam NY Asks: My only question is one I have heard a thousand times: How does Chris Lee do what she does? Are there court records that I could get to if I knew where to look? I certainly have the time, but not the knowledge.
ANSWER: First of all, A. J., court records that are in the public domain do not have birth parents’ names. The exception may be when one parent is missing and is required by law to sign relinquishment of parental rights -- a very rare event. Identifying information is sealed except in the few states where adoption records are not sealed. Chris and her research staff have spent a cumulative 50 years searching in every state to gather pieces of information, and know what pieces are needed to begin putting the puzzle together. Then comes the finding part. As a licensed P.I., Chris has access to membership/fee-based databanks that are closed to non-professionals. Then comes the verifying of all the gathered information to be certain the right person has been found, which involves more membership databases.
So it’s knowledge, experience honed to a level of expertise, that allows Chris to do what she does. States differ in degrees of difficulty, as do cities vs. small towns, and common vs. uncommon names in solving a case. Not everyone has that knowledge or access, although some are lucky enough (with sufficient information!) to complete a search. That doesn’t happen very often.
Submit your questions to KateKinsolving@AOL.com with “Ask Kate Anything” in the subject line. |
