Dear Kinsolving,
Well, today I did it .called Martha - after thinking about it and copying over my notes!
It went quite well. Someone else answered the phone. I asked for Martha, she got on the phone. I gave her my name and said I was calling about a personal and private matter and asked if this was a good time for her to talk. She asked me to hold, went into another room, and then I started with number 2.
After this point, I did not need to use the script. She asked me if I knew my intended birth name. I told her, and there was silence, then she sounded a bit choked up and she said that she always knew this day would arrive. She said she always wondered how her children were. I said 'children?'. She said that she gave up another daughter for adoption too (don't know if this was before or after me). She said that she had an abortion when she was 17 and she promised herself she would never do that again.
She said she did not have a very good relationship with her mother . that she either gave in to her or ran away from her, that her parents were from Germany, emigrated here and married in the US, that her Dad died in Germany in 1971 when he was over there to settle his mother's estate. She said he had a massive stroke and died.
Martha said that she and her daughter were working on a family genealogy through the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, and she offered to mail it to me as soon as it was done. She said several times that she was blessed. She said I have German heritage on both sides. She said her mother's family were basically tenant farmers in Germany, but that her Dad's family had some money. She said that her mother is alive and in a hospital, but is being discharged to the nursing home where she has resided for almost 10 years. Her mom has had Alzheimer's for 10 years.
She asked for my phone number. At the beginning of the conversation she gave me her mail address and asked that I write to her and send her some photos . which I will do. She said I can call her anytime, and it's ok to leave a message on voicemail. She asked me to use the name Carla. She said she is a retired civil servant for the state of Fla., and that she is home most of the time. She said that one day a week she takes her granddaughter for therapy.
She asked if I was married, I said yes. I told her I'll be married for 18 years in December, and that I have 2 blue.eyed girls. She said that's from the German blood, which I have on both sides.
Martha said that she has told her children about me. She said her family is very healthy. Her daughter has arthritis and has had it since childhood, but it is from her father's side. She said that she is 'organically oriented'. Martha is allergic to penicillin. Her eyesight is good and so are her teeth. She commented that her Dad's teeth were really strong.
Martha mentioned her brother Dirk in Colorado and that I have a lot of cousins. I asked if anyone in the family has asthma, she said her brother does.
I believe she was genuinely happy to hear from me since she said so several times, and that it was a blessing. She said she thought I sounded nice. She said that she has thought about me often and had hoped I went to a good family. I told her I had wonderful parents, and that I was very lucky. She said that there were few options in those days and about the stigma concerning illegitimacy. I told her I understood.
This is not the exact sequence of events, but pretty close. There was a knocking on the door, she said it was my brother Richard. She had to go. She asked me to write to her and send her some photos. I said I would.
So, what do you think? I think it went pretty well. We were only on the phone for ~10 or 15 minutes, but she said a lot. She was nice, and open.
So, where do you think it will go from here?
Thank you so much for your expert guidance!
Thanks,
C.,NC |
