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Kinsolving , hello...
I'm sure you don't remember me, but you helped locate my son in Maryland several years back.
I wanted you to know that he and I have been e-mailing for 3 years now; he visited for the first time last summer, and I am just back from a 4 day visit with him. We're doing really well. Slow, but sure, and very tender exchanges... he's growing; I'm healing.
Thank you for this.
Second reason for writing, he wishes me to locate his birthfather (or the grandfather, , who is a great guy). The only info I know is the following.
I don't know if you're even doing this kind of thing anymore. Please let me know!!!
And thanks and hugs for what you did before.... life is good, and I think of you with love for your part in this.
VC, Md. |
Dear Kinsolving:
Well, it has been about 18 months since my long awaited search ended. It has been a year filled with emotionally highs and lows. But I would not trade the knowledge for anything, and am forever grateful for your 15 year search and support in finding my original identity.
I met my birthmom a year ago. It is still up and down, though the relationship is improving. She had spent 45 years trying to block out my existence and had never told her husband or their children. He now knows, though she still has not told her other 2 daughters. I have met her 4 times this past year, once for an hour, then a few months later for lunch and then another lunch and then for a round of golf and dinner. She has called me on Easter and my birthday, which was a major step for her. Though, it will be a long time, if ever, before she and I will be close I am glad that I now know who she is. Apparently, she is not close with her other daughters, either. Her husband is fantastic and he has been accepting of me and has informed me that his marriage has never been better because now he knows why she is the way that she is.
In September they told me the identity of my birthfather. Though he is deceased, his family has welcomed me with open arms. His brother called me and told me that they consider me 100% a member of the family. I have met my brother and 2 sisters, in addition to an aunt and uncle and a step grandmother. I met one of my birthdad's daughters in December. It is amazing how alike we are, considering the different environment that we grew up in (me in downtown Chicago and Lisa in rural Georgia) When they have introduced me to people I am introduced as her sister. I was down in Georgia in march, and we went to the area that my birthdad grew up in etc. My 12 year old niece emails me a few times a week and I have been invited to their house in Georgia for Thanksgiving.
I have met my cousin (birthdad's brother's son) and seen his band in concert and have talked to Uncle Jim on a regular basis and hope to get to meet him soon.
I feel as though my questions have been answered and it has been a positive part of my life and even when I am down at the coldness of my birthmother I have never had any regrets on the search.
And I want to thank you for your tenacity and your counseling.
Love,
MW, Va |
Dear Kinsolving,
I wanted you to have a picture of my son and I. Finding him has made my life so much richer and has put an end to the chronic sense of grief and loss that I carried around for 33 years.
He is sensitive, caring, polite, and a wonderful person. He has a terrific wife and two adopted children. We have met twice so far and talked on the phone many, many times. I still tremble, however, as I recall my fear of making that initial phone call. How fortunate I was that he was glad to hear from me and that he does not blame me for giving him up.
As people around me found their parents and children, I became very discouraged and doubted that my search would ever be successful. I will be eternally grateful that my support group led me to Kinsolving. You are the best, both in terms of finding people and in coaching on how to make contact.
I will always appreciate your skill and impeccable professionalism.
I am still trying to reconcile thoughts of my tiny, lost baby with this adult I am getting to know. The experience overloads the intellect and the emotions and it will take us both time to get used to what we have found. I look forward to building a relationship with him and his family and loving him in a different kind of way from that which I have since he was born.
I can never thank you enough. I wish you as much happiness as you have brought to myself and countless others.
JP - NY |
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