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chris- I got your note about the Vanguard and sending in a reunion story. since I had such a positive experience- I would be happy to share it.-R
I have known since I was 4 or 5 that I was adopted and always wanted to know where I came from. It was difficult to obtain useful information from the adoption agency,though I kept trying through the years;first by visiting and then through letters. But, I never could totally trust what they told me since basic things like peoples ages would change from letter to letter.Unfortunately, the state I was adopted from has very strict laws and its almost impossible to extract information. Nevertheless,over 15 years, I did manage to find out two things. My birth name and the hospital I was
born in. On my adoptive birth certificate, there is a number. I went to the New york public library and took out the geneology books for the year that I was born and went through each page until I matched my number. Next to
it,was my birth name. That was a VERY exciting moment for me. It was a piece of who I was during the first 16 months.Since I had never had a middle name,I took my birth name as my middle name.
I continued to search down many roads but all were dead ends. I would go through periods of time when I was very fired up about finding my roots and then would get very discouraged and not do much for a while.
Finally,through a friend's advice and encouragement, I decided to contact a search agency and see if they would have any more luck.I got in touch with Kinsolving in august of 2001. I gave them all the info I had collected over the years and waited.Part of me was initially eager and anxious and hoped that it would all be solved very quickly. I also worried that by now it was maybe too late and that the person I was looking for may not even be
alive..
Months went by and I began to think about it less and less. I had put it on the back burner and went on with life.Then last June, I suddenly got a call out of the blue from Kinsolving. They had found my mom!Not only was she
alive but she didn't even live that far from me!Within a week from their call, I had all the info and had to think very carefully about what to do next. My instinct was to write her a letter but after a long conversation
with Kinsolving, I realized that to do that might put me right back to square one. What if she didn't answer the letter? as hard as it seemed, I only had one option which was to call her and be direct. The agency was very
helpful in guiding me about what to say and how NOT to blow this opportunity. after all- I had been waiting for this moment for my whole life and wanted this to work SO badly. there were so many questions.... There
could be any number of ways that she would respond and I had to be prepared for them. What if she hung up the phone- or said that " yes" she was the person but didn't want to have any contact with me.or maybe she would deny the whole thing.I wrote down a list of all the many things I wanted to say and had different columns. If when I asked her this question and she said that ,then go to column B. that sort of thing.I decided that I should not
call her on the weekend, since there may be other people in the house that didn't know about me and that could cause problems. so I waited until Monday morning and called her at work. .It has to have been THE HARDEST
PHONE CALL I HAVE EVER MADE.
I was very nervous and just hoped that she would be willing to listen to me for even a few minutes.The agency had also coached me on how to approach the call and how to introduce myself.I said hello and gave my
adoptive name and explained that this was a personal call and hoped it was ok to talk now.and then I told her my birth name and where I was born. As soon as I finished that sentence, her response was " oh, I've been waiting
for this call" and I could tell from the tone in her voice, that all would be ok.I could ignore most of the lists I had made and just talk. and we did-
we talked for almost an hour until we both had to be at work. we made plans to get together and met each other for the first time two weeks later.In that call I was able to tell her how grateful I am to be here and to thank
her. I had been wanting to say that my whole life to this person.At the end of the call ,her last words to me ,were" welcome home".
Our first meeting was a wonderful whirlwind of a day.I met not only my mom but also her husband and one of my three half siblings!. Since that first meeting, we have seen each other three other times and I have now met
all three siblings.Everyone had been so welcoming and accepting.I don't know what the eventual relationships will be like and over time,we will see.In a way, we are all strangers and it takes time for any relationship to grow and evolve.I think that it helps that we are all adults and all have full lives.I'm not really looking for someone to be MY MOM. I want to get to know
her as another adult and to be a friend. For her, its a bit different, since she has a memory and history with me. I wasn't surrendered till after a year old and she was able to bring me things like all my baby pictures. I wish I had some memory of her, but I don't.I think it's quite wonderful to have this opportunity to establish a new connection with this other adult who in fact is closer to me ( biologically) than anyone else( other than my
son).so-thats the story- and it's on going and it makes me very happy to have found this puzzle piece thats been missing for so many years.
RNT
New York State |
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