Hi Chris,
I'm writing this in case you would like to include it in your newsletter.
It is a big long, so feel free to edit.
Like many of your clients, over the past 13 years I spent many hours working on my search for my birhmother. I joined search & support groups & read alot of books. I also gave money upfront to various adoption search agencies, who apparently did nothing. It was expensive, time-consuming,frustrating, emotionally exhausting and, at times, depressing. When I heard that your company charged a fee only if the person was found, I decided that I had nothing to lose. I faxed you all the information I had gathered over the years on a Friday afternoon at 3:30. By Monday morning, you had all of my birthmother's information! I was amazed! You even included information about other family members, which all proved to be correct.
I waited about 3 weeks before calling her. I wanted to be prepared for whatever the outcome would be. When I did call, I had my initial introduction all ready, which I had prepared with your help (AND with the help of a glass of wine!) My hands were trembling! Luckily, she answered
and was home alone. She was understandably shocked at first, and asked me to repeat my birthdate and birth name. She was receptive to my questions and soon we were having a conversation, comparing personality traits and
physical appearance. She was widowed fairly recently, and had lost her Mom (my Grandmother) only a month before my call. I can't say she seemed "ecstatically" happy to hear from me, nor was she unhappy. She did say she had thought about me over the years, not constantly, but more so during
certain times in her life. She said she had been wondering about me a little more lately, perhaps because of all she had been through recently (her words). She has never had any other children, and says that is how she wanted it. She claims she was too "selfish" to be a good mother. We
spoke for 3 hours during our first conversation. I was surprised at how much we had in common - interests, food preferences, body type, etc. It was exhilarating, but also a little anti-climactic. I was happy she was receptive to my call. I know I was lucky she didn't reject me, but I think deep down I was sort of hoping she would have been a little happier to hear from me. I should mention she is on anti-depressants, and continues to struggle with some depression, despite the medication.
I took a flight to her home for a weekend visit in January. I was very happy she invited me for a visit, as that validated for me that she was acknowledging me. I stayed in her brother's (my uncle) home. We don't look alike, which was disappointing. I think as an adoptee you hope to find someone who looks like you. She is very nice, though, and meeting her in person has helped put our relationship on a different level.
It has been about 5 months since our first contact. I can't say I'm a different person, or was "transformed" by finding my birthmother, a term I have often heard used by adoptees who have "found". I do feel alot of questions have been answered for me, and no longer feel like I came from "space". I have a background now. I think I am a little more confident. Since we are trying to maintain a long-distance relationship, we don't seem to be able to get to the point where we can have conversations about day-to-day events. We talk about twice a month, but it has gotten difficult lately to keep the conversations from being repetitve from the last ones. I have heard most of her "stories", and she has heard mine. I have 2 young children, but she is not interested in children and doesn't ask about them or show any interest when I speak of them. She did send flowers on my birthday, and sent a card on Valentine's Day which said, suprisingly, I thought, "to my daughter". My husband says he thinks she is growing into the role. After all, she thought of herself as a childless person until she was 62 years old!
I am very happy to have put all my questions to rest, and very grateful to you for your help and support. You have been really amazing, and I would (and have) recommend you to anyone who is searching. Thanks, again.
Sincerely,
DK/NY |
